we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
