I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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