Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
