You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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