So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
