Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
