also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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