the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
