I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
