After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
