Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They took my balls.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
