Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
