Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
