I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
