and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
