Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
