flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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