I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
