WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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