bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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