There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
