No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
