You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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