If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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