well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
