And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
