I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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