Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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