i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Princesses don't give blow jobs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
