Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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