Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
