; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sponge bath it is.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
