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JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish i was in the wii world.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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