i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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