While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
