I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
