I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
