I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
