My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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