u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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