Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
