I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
