I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize