Do you still have your period?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
