dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
