he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize