i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
