This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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