Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
