even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
