i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize