The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
false alarm, still single
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
