First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
