it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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