Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
