I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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