this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
