I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
