there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
