you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
