Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize