I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
