you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you never un-have a 4some
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
