Taylor Swift is so right about you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
