Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
